Talking to your partner about becoming a surrogate! 

Becoming a surrogate is a life changing decision. The decision to become a surrogate often requires years of research and a deep understanding of the surrogacy process.Beyond understanding the process and the commitment involved, one of the most crucial steps in becoming a surrogate is having an open conversation with your spouse or partner. If your spouse/partner is not supportive of your decision, you will not be able to move forward with surrogacy. Your spouse or partner plays a significant role in your surrogacy journey. They will need to complete medical screening, a background check, and a psychological evaluation. Beyond the initial screening, they should also be prepared to take on additional household and childcare responsibilities throughout the process. 

Sometimes, spouses or partners may have reservations about surrogacy due to misunderstandings or misconceptions about the process and what it truly means to be a surrogate.

Use these key talking points to help determine if surrogacy is the right choice for you and your family.

There will not be a biological relationship between you and the baby. 

One of the most common misconceptions about surrogacy is that the gestational carrier is genetically related to the baby. However, in gestational surrogacy, the embryo is created using the intended parents’ or donor’s egg and sperm, meaning the gestational carrier is simply carrying the baby, not contributing their eggs. Explaining this distinction to your spouse can help them understand your role and reassure them that this is different from a traditional pregnancy. 

Understanding the time commitment 

Surrogacy isn’t just your journey, it’s something your whole family will experience in some way. Your spouse/partner may have concerns about how this will affect your relationship, daily life, or even your children. They may be hesitant because it may not be the right time to take on this huge commitment. There will be extra travel, appointments, medical procedures and postpartum recovery. Reassure them that they will be involved every step of the way, from the screening process to legal agreements, medical appointments, and prenatal/postpartum journey. They should also understand that they will have medical and legal responsibilities as part of the process. Their support will be invaluable to the success of your journey. 

What does your ideal intended parent match look like and how do you envision your relationship with them?

Another key topic to discuss is the type of intended parents (IPs) you would want to carry for. Do you feel passionate about helping a couple struggling with infertility? A same-sex couple looking to grow their family? A single parent longing for a child? Thinking about what kind of relationship you both would like to have with the intended parents can help you both visualize the journey ahead and how it will change your lives. 

Is your ideal relationship to be close with your intended parents and involve your family or will it be more focused on the pregnancy/baby? It’s important to consider what feels right for you and discuss it with your spouse/partner.

Your family must be complete!

One of the main qualifications for becoming a surrogate is that you have already completed your own family. This means you have experienced pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting, and you know your body’s capabilities. Your spouse might worry about how another pregnancy could impact your health or your family’s dynamic, so it is important to discuss your reasons for wanting to do this. The ability to help someone else experience the joy of parenthood is a powerful motivator, and sharing that perspective with your partner can help them understand why this journey is so meaningful to you.

Communication is Key!

Approaching this conversation with openness, honesty, and patience is the best way to ensure your partner/spouse feels heard and involved. Surrogacy is a big decision, and taking the time to address their concerns, answer questions, and reassure them of your motivations can help strengthen your partnership throughout this journey.

Your spouse’s role is an important one, from providing emotional support to participating in the screening, legal process, and birthing process. While this is your pregnancy, it’s a shared experience that will impact your entire family. Having these conversations early on and addressing any concerns will help create a strong foundation for a positive and fulfilling surrogacy journey. 

 If you’re considering surrogacy, one of the first and most important conversations you will have is with your spouse/partner. Surrogacy is a family decision, and ensuring your partner is informed, involved, and supportive will make the experience even more fulfilling. Please reach out to us if you need more information.